A sticky note on your (death)bed
by if-llamas-could-fly
Summary: It was one little yellow rectangle of paper with two words printed on it in neat letters with a felt tip pen- 'Kevin Tran'. Harmless enough, right? Why, then, does it feel like there's a monster inside him?


**A/N I AM NOT OKAY. ****_Nothing_**** is okay. This last episode was ****_NOT OKAY_****. I'm still in shock and ****_jesus everloving christ_**** will somebody ****_please_**** tell me I watched the wrong thing? I ****_knew_**** there was something up with Ezekiel but THIS WAS BULLSHIT. GAH. This is freaking ridiculous! HOW DARE THEY LEAVE US HANGING WITH THIS KIND OF CRAP. Ugh. Anyway. This probably wasn't the smartest episode to start writing proper season nine fics with but ****_dammit_**** I needed to vent. Also, I read like a bunch of Dean POV fics tagged to this episode, but none of Sam's, so I figured I might as well fill in the gap. TRY NOT TO CRY. **_~Sammy_

* * *

**_A sticky-note on your (death)bed _**

_Nonononononono._

Not this.

Not again.

_help me i can't do it i can't move can't breathe can't be this again _

Not-

_i'm caged_

Caged.

Again.

_tied up broken bound gagged _

Except.

It's not fire and ice and cold hands that are _too_ familiar and a silken voice that drips like honey.

It's not whips and chains and the _painagonytorture_ that feels like chaste kisses on cracked and shredded flesh.

It's not-

Not _him_.

_(Why would I be him?) _

"There are some things I need to tell you real quick."

_there's some thing __in__ me dean_

_(He is the very reason I was imprisoned.)_

"The trials messed you up real bad."

_i know something's wrong something's_

_(He is why I was dishonored.)_

"They told me you were gonna die."

_i'm gonna die anyway there's a __monster__ in me get it out_

_(He is why I am doing this.)_

"You were in a coma."

_no no you said I was fine you said_

_(You were never fine, Sam. You should see what you look like on the inside.)_

"I let an angel in."

_it's a __beast_

_(You are a mess.)_

"In you."

_no_

_(Broken beyond repair.)_

"We don't have time for this."

_please no not this_

_(You are a but a shadow of what you once were.)_

"You can kick my ass later."

_i won't not now I need your help_

_('Lucifer's chosen vessel'. How ridiculous. You are but a wraith.)_

"You need to dump him."

_i can't he's too_

_(You cannot rid yourself of me now, Sam. I am not him. I am not susceptible to the rush of human emotion.)_

"Sam?"

_he won't leave tell me what to do he won't_

_(I guarded The Garden against all evil. I am stronger than one petulant archangel.)_

His legs stride back and forth _i don't want them to_ and a hand runs through his hair in mock-agitation _it's not me i'm_. Dean calls out to him and his hand's moving of its own volition _not on its own the monster inside me is_ and there's that low ominous thump that sounds too familiar because how many times has he punched his brother this way? _i can't_

_(It's too late.)_

Even as he walks out of the room, he can hear Dean hitting the floor _why can't i catch you_ and the twisted thing inside him is already halfway up the stairs.

_(Just-) _

He sees Kevin step away from the table, and he looks exhausted_ why won't you rest when i tell you to_ but the kid smiles and greets him anyway.

_(Remember that I never wanted this.)_

Kevin's hair is soft against his palm.

_run_

_(I have to do this.)_

Heat courses down his arm.

_(I am sorry.)_

Not sorry enough.

_(He asked me to pledge my loyalty.)_

Because he can feel the light in his hands.

_(You understand loyalty, yes? The need for trust?)_

He can feel the fore his his fingertips.

_(It is strange.)_

He can feel the Grace next to his soul.

_(It makes you do the worst things. Even if you do not wish to.)_

He watches with an expressionless face as the kid- the one he had promised to protect, the one he had let down for a year, the one who forgave him for the abandonment, the one who smiled at him like he _wasn't _the reason he had lost his chance at normalcy- looks back at him with bewilderment in his eyes.

And then his eyes are nothing but ash.

His scream echoes for one lingering moment.

Sam Winchester breaks.

And all that is left is a yellow post-it.

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**A/N I'M SORRY I JUST- *weeps profusely* I NEED A HUG. Let me know what you thought in a review, and maybe avoid making me cry anymore? **_~Sammy_


End file.
